Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
