I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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