His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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