Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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