Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
