im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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