ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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