so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
