I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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