They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
