So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
