I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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