Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
