No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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