My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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