i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
