He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
