oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
