Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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