You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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