You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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