Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
