next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
