If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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