just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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