oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
