id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
