Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
