I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
