If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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