Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
