I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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