Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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