I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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