soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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