Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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