I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
