Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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