Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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