dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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