How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
