party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
