theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
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this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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