i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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