i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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