I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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