can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
