ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
