God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
