i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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