im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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