Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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