Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize