Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
