she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
