Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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