i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
