Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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