you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
